you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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