So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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