So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
