There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Acid is not a monday night drug
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
