i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
