I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize