She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
