dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
