you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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