Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize