she was so not down for the gang bang
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
