Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
