Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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