so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
