Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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