See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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