So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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