I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
