I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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