last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
only if we run a train.
done.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
