Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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