hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
