Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize