Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
