there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
