dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
