I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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