I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize