i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
