Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bring me that man meat
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize