He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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