my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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