dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
