Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
