u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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