dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
