Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize