I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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