so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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