I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Shame - the story of my life.
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