Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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