Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
