I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
