dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
