Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
