you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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