Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
