i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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