We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
