And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
