when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
