If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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