Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
