i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
