Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
