Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
