fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
