If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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