I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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