I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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