She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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