Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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