i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
