I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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