Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Screwed.edu
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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