Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize