I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
