And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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