You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
