Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
