they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
