I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
pop tarts are not kleenex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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