I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
